Emotion Focused Therapy
Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) was developed in the 1980s by Dr. Sue Johnson and colleagues as a research-based approach to helping couples repair and strengthen their relationships. Rooted in attachment theory, EFT views our need for emotional connection as a core part of being human. When that bond feels threatened, partners often get stuck in painful cycles of blame, withdrawal, or defensiveness. Rather than focusing only on communication skills or “fixing” surface problems, EFT gently helps partners slow down, tune into the deeper emotions and needs underneath their reactions, and share them in a safer, more open way. The goal is not to decide who is right or wrong, but to create a more secure, responsive bond where both people feel seen, valued, and emotionally held.
I have used Emotion Focused Therapy in my work with couples for the last four years and found it to be a transformative form of therapy in helping clients to build a sense of emotional safety and reconnect. I have witnessed Emotion Focused Therapy help clients to not only treat symptoms of relational distress, but also treat the root causes of relational discord and conflict in relationships. Emotion Focused Therapy also works effectively in alignment with Gottman Method skills and concepts.
Key Goals of Emotion Focused Therapy
In Emotion Focused Therapy, our primary goal is to help you and your partner move out of reactive, painful cycles and into a more secure, responsive bond. Clinically, this means identifying the patterns that keep you stuck, accessing the deeper emotions and attachment needs underneath those patterns, and creating new, healthier ways of reaching for each other. On a more personal level, it means feeling safer to be vulnerable, better understood in moments of conflict, and more confident that your partner is there for you. Over time, couples often report less defensiveness, more empathy, and a stronger sense of being on the same team.
The EFT Framework
In our work together, we follow the Emotion Focused Therapy framework, which moves through three broad stages.
First, we slow down and map the negative cycles that keep showing up between you, helping each of you understand your own triggers and your partner’s. We also focus on de-escalating conflict cycles to prepare us for the next stages.
Next, we gently access and work with the deeper emotions and attachment needs underneath those patterns, so you can share them in a safer, more open way.
Finally, we help you practice new, more secure ways of reaching for each other and responding, so that over time your relationship feels less reactive, more connected, and more resilient in the face of stress.