The Gottman Method
Based on over 40 years of research with thousands of couples, the Gottman Method is a highly structured and evidence-based form of couples therapy. This approach focuses on disarming conflicting verbal communication, increasing intimacy, respect, and affection, and creating a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship. Together, we will work through the Sound Relationship House theory, identifying the core components that build trust and commitment while breaking down the barriers that prevent lasting bliss.
Using the Gottman Method with Ashlyn Graff, LMHC
Washington State telehealth couples therapist:
I have 4+ years of experience using the Gottman Method with a diverse range of couples - including couples where one or both clients have a history of trauma, depression, and neurodiversity. I am experienced in adapting the Gottman Method to better fit LGBTQ+ populations and Polyamorous relationships. I am very experienced in working with parents, individuals in both long term and short term relationships, infidelity, and couples who report high conflict at the start of treatment. If you have specific questions about whether or not I can help you or would be the best fit, you are welcome to schedule a free 20 minute zoom consult with me to ask!
Why choose Gottman Method for Couples Therapy?
Why Choose the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy, built on decades of studying what makes relationships succeed or struggle. It doesn’t rely on guesswork or quick fixes. Instead, it offers clear, practical tools you can start using right away.
With the Gottman Method, you will:
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Understand your patterns – Learn what’s really happening underneath your conflicts and disconnection.
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Improve communication – Practice specific skills to listen, speak, and repair after arguments.
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Rebuild trust and closeness – Strengthen friendship, intimacy, and emotional safety in your relationship.
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Work as a team – Create shared meaning, support each other’s dreams, and feel more on the same side.
This approach is especially helpful for couples who feel stuck in the same arguments, are healing from past hurts, or simply want to deepen their connection in a thoughtful, structured way.
The Gottman Method: The Process
When we use the Gottman Method together, we’ll move through a clear, structured process:
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Getting to Know You as a Couple: We start with a thorough assessment of your relationship, including joint and individual sessions and questionnaires. This helps us understand your strengths, pain points, and patterns.
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Sharing Feedback & Setting Goals:
Next, we review what we’ve learned and work together to set specific goals for your relationship, such as improving communication, rebuilding trust, or reducing conflict. -
Learning New Skills:
In ongoing sessions, I will provide psychoeducation and you’ll learn practical tools for managing conflict, deepening friendship and intimacy, and supporting each other’s dreams. We’ll practice these skills in session and help you apply them at home. -
Checking In & Adjusting:
Throughout the process, we’ll regularly check in on your progress, celebrate what’s working, and adjust our plan as needed so therapy stays focused, supportive, and effective for both of you. Treatment with my couples is individualized to meet their specific needs and goals in therapy.